i'll have one of your finest coffees and a table for one in the dark

sex
kevin and the kids
theology
anthropology
botany and/or cycling



Not abnormal.

My roommates smoke excellent weed.

I moved to Chattanooga,TN. I'll be going to school here in the Fall.

Got a job at an electric bicycle shop. That's a whole cluster fuck in and of itself.

I hate living in the city.

I have one awesome room mate and one decent room mate who may turn out to be a slob and I can't handle that.

I miss Kevin.

I've had multiple people, conversationally, tell me that I need to leave him (because he's too old for me or something) which is ridiculous because all of these people are people I've never met before and it's almost insulting. One woman went as far as to try and hook me up with like, three other dudes. blegh...

Anyway... weird past couple of weeks.

I had a dream Kesha and I were writing a song together in Spanish class, because she was really frustrated at how her song wasn't working the way she wanted to, and I decided it was because it sucked, so I edited it for her. I don't remember what it said but I do remember that I wrote "and Daddy is a gator"

Then, the spanish teacher noticed that we weren't doing what we were supposed to be doing and assigned me to translate this passage from the book and I only had an hour to do it, so I sat down and started and Kesha kept annoying me and I told her 'I ONLY HAVE AN HOUR!" and went back to translating.

Wtf.

Please, my other friends, don't become cheap and famous so I don't have to have weird dreams about you. You can become cheap, or you can become famous, but I do trust that you'll avoid mixing the two.

And don't make me speak Spanish. I can't STAND speaking Spanish!

Casey is Kevin's oldest son. He just turned 13 and we're hooligans when we're together. I absolutely love him, and he's like a little brother and that's kind of how our relationship works most of the time. But sometimes it's not like that and sometimes I have to be more of a parent. This Saturday night we watched a movie that kind of freaked him out so he got in bed with me and Kevin but ultimately we kind of kicked Kevin out into the other bed.

That morning when Wiley and Kevin had gone downstairs me and Casey stayed in bed and talked for a while. We got onto the topic of his parents divorce and it dawned on me that I wasn't sure if he knew why his parents got a divorce so I asked him. He said "kinda?? Was it money?" and I said "Well, kind of. I'm not sure it's my place to tell you about it" and he said "Well, I deserve to know..." He wanted me to tell him, and not for the sake of necessarily knowing... I mean, he wanted to know, but I think he specifically wanted to hear what he already kind of knew without the bias of his parents.

So, I told him. I prefaced it, and this is how it went:

I said "You know, I get along with your mom really well and it's because we have a lot in common and so the stuff that happened between your parents... I understand where they were both coming from and they were just unhappy. You know, I wouldn't be with your dad if I hadn't made a very clear decision to break myself off from the engagement that I was in. Do you know what I mean?" He laughed and said "Yea" and I said, "Ok, and I did that because I was unhappy in the situation I was in and the person I was with and I didn't know how else to break myself from that. Both of your parents were really unhappy and so, well, your mom found someone else and she was scared to tell Kevin. But eventually he found out and so they got a divorce." and he was quiet and I asked "Are you ok?" and he said "Yea! Yes, I'm fine." and then he goes "Who was it?" and I said "I don't know." and he said "Was his name Perry?" and I laughed and said "I really don't know, but that name does sound familiar" and then we started talking about different things. I wasn't sure what to do after that and so I got Kevin in the laundry room and I told him what had just happened.

Anyway, he was really appreciative and he wasn't angry at me for telling him and he thought that I dealt with the matter really delicately... but I dunno.

Just interesting. I like being whatever I am... "Dad's girlfriend" haha

I want to hike the Appalachian Trail. Who's with me?

Kevin is an EMT and with the snow/ice storm we've had... he's been on call a lot lately and he just got the first call of the year.

Scared the shit out of us... the radio was all the way up. It was a lady at one of the Greek houses here in Sewanee who's fallen and "bleeding". WTF? She must be bleeding pretty bad to call an ambulance. Probably drunk, honestly.

Regardless, he threw his shirt on... the one they have to wear, and he was wearing his black boots and his black cargo pants and a lot of emotions went through me:

1.) Worried... for him, for this woman and suddenly for the general state of things. This world is so fragile.

2.) Horny... he is incredibly attractive in that uniform they have to wear and on top of that, I'm turned on that he's an EMT and can totally kick ass an save some lives... he keeps the safety tool by Swiss Army that I got for him in his jeep, and that is totally hot too.

3.) Incredibly proud... I'm proud... insanely proud... that I'm dating someone who volunteers their time to do what he's doing.

4.) Jealous... I want to do it, too!

and 5.) Worried... I don't like the uncertainty of not knowing what's going on and when he's going to get back. It doesn't give me a frame of reference to know if I should start worrying about him or not.

Ohhhh... huge sigh.... I love this man.

I know exactly where I stand
On the edge of waterfalls
At the tops of cliffs

Not knowing when the wind will come
And if I stand here long enough, unmoving
Eventually I will fall

At the bottom, motionless, and stunned
the last breath before I hit
is a kiss, an apology, a lost desire

But I will only be
a scent washed away
a touch rinsed from his skin

At the top, alive, kinetic
I'm stepping forward
a hand extended and held

And I will be
A scent he longs for in his bed
A stray hair, touching his skin

But I am standing
On the edge of waterfalls,
at the tops of cliffs

Ex fiance sold off my first guitar(s) (both acoustic and electric) and my amp... this happened a while ago, and after multiple times of me trying to get them back. So he just stole them out of revenge or something and somehow got rid of them. Either sold them or whatever.

Anyway, I have a box of checks I keep and I just went to write one and with them is a whole check book of the ex's.

Immediately I started to salivate with revenge schemes, but NO, I let the douche bag know.

and the best part is, he had his MOM call me and ask me if I could mail them. I told her no, I wasn't willing to lift a finger for him after what he did and that I've since thrown them away.

So... if you live in the Sewanee, Monteagle area and you're in dire need of some cash, there's a whole checkbook floating around that belongs to a successful musician who makes a lot of money and isn't smart enough to ever keep tabs on his spending or his account! Go dumpster divers, go!

So, I may have a job in Chatt and I may also have another job on the mountain, which makes Kevin's whole little "half the time" crisis even more annoying. Specifically, I was wondering how the hell I would be able to have 2 jobs in this area and maintain our agreement, so I bring this up to him and he says "Well, then we'll talk about it again."

This kind of annoys me... I told him all along that I've been trying to get a job up here, etc etc and that once I did things wouldn't be so smothered, but he insists anyways. Perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions here, but that kind of proves to me that I was right about him being unable to have faith in me and trust me when I tell him that I'm working towards a specific goal. He still is incapable of separating his experience with his ex wife from his experiences with me. Super annoying.

Anyway, I made a huge dinner tonight and I am somehow still hungry.

Also, I wish it would storm again.

Also, we went and hung with some friends last night. Something we very rarely do and haven't done in months. We had a BLAST and Kevin was super sweet and treated me to everything. Madison's dog, Frankie, has a thing for me apparently and Adam has issues with the proper timing of when shrimp actually become deveined.... ah, yes! Alcohol is hilarious.