i'll have one of your finest coffees and a table for one in the dark

white bird floating
wing tips touch gray skies

the beating of my heart
shook the mountain
and looking down I
watched it storm

the heat beat down
and the rain
crashed and scattered

your sweat,just like it,
running around my fingers
from movements on skin

one step from the heavens!
asleep, it's lofty and green
and I dream of dancing
with your children

thunder is calling me
and sitting at the bluff.
Waiting - I find...

vines that steal my body
from the limestone edge
and falling down the
mountain I see:

two white birds
floating in gray skies
lightning strikes and
tendrils curl

pointing my way home.
I am sad and the rain
cries with me

So, I work with a lot of rednecks who are freaking out about this Ammunition Accountability Act that states that certain calibur ammunition needs to be coded so that in the case of a murder or other unlawful use, the ammunition can easily be traced to the owner.

They don't see this act as a precautionary/investigative tool. They see it as the LEFT WING LIBERALS RAWRRR TAKING OUR GUNS AWAY!!!

Ammunition OF CERTAIN CALIBURS *this is important* will be disposed of by 2011.
Ok...

So these guys I work with are freaking out because Obama is going to "recall all their ammo" blah blah, but what I wonder is.... since the bill is purely precautionary and doesn't make the sell or purchase of ammunition illegal then why are these dudes freaking out? They still get their ammo... are they planning on doing something with it that they SHOULDN'T be doing and get caught??? BECAUSE THAT'S PRECISELY WHAT THIS ACT IS TARGETING.

Furthermore, it's only of certain caliburs, and while I don't know for sure, I'll venture to guess that it's for handgun ammunition so the one dude in particular who is freaking out because he won't be able to shoot the antique guns he buys and restores HAS NO CASE, cause I'm pretty sure Obama isn't going to recall the bullets made for civil war era firearms used to kill runaway slaves and yankees.

What I find even more hilarious is that these guys are also freaking out and pissed off because Obama has "made ammunition so expensive, it's too expensive to shoot your gun." But, from the research I've done there's actually no DIRECT action that Obama has taken to make ammunition "too expensive to buy" (although, I gotta say, that's a good deterrent he should consider.) Instead, the simple FEAR of a "jigaboo" in office has CAUSED the price of ammunition to sky rocket because merchants KNOW that they're going to make money off the hype.

Anyway, that's my political rant. I can't wait to see what they say about what's going on in Iran.

So, the job is awesome. Yesterday I reported at 4:30am and trapped and banded birds for 8 hours which is a lot more fun than it sounds. There is something super exhilirating about handling birds that you would otherwise almost never see and certainly never be able to catch on your own. It was amazing and they were so beautiful. It was a productive day.

On the other hand.... today: Veg. Monitoring. Setting out plots and taking an inventory of NOT THE SPECIATION but just the KIND of plant... graminoid, forbes, etc. Takes a total of 10 minutes once we actually reach the spot which generally aren't more than 2 miles off the trail or road. We had 2 plots to do, so complete with hiking time, etc it would take us MAYBE an hour to complete.

We get done super quick and the guy who had signed the vehicle out decided to dick around for another hour, literally. Finally we went back to the office and got our next plots for stem counts on this endangered sunflower that grows on base. There's a total of 96 of them but they take only a few minutes for each plot (unless it's a super hardy spot and there's 100+ stems and even then...)

At this point we had split into two teams and the guy driving our vehicle happens to be probably THE stupidest intern working with us and what happens??? HE GETS US LOST. It's a former nazi POW camp and before that it was a former artillery range so it's one big grid which is what you see on the hardcopy of the map. We had a GPS with us but it was haywire and lagged too much to be of any use.

So here we are on winding dirt/mud/hidden artillery ridden roads with "unexploded" warning signs all around us going way over the speed limit in a huge top heavy truck floating around corners and I keep telling the moron we need to go south but he passes all the damn intersections and doesn't listen to me (I presume because he's from fucking Grundy County TN and doesn't listen to girls, especially after the comments he made this morning regarding girls.) So we go every direction but south and end up in the middle of a rifle range with security gards at the top of the tower with us in their cross hairs.

Finally the idiot listens to me only after the GUY in the back seat tells him to go South and LOW AND BEHOLD we find the train tracks and follow them to the main highway where we proceed, late, back to the main office.

I was late leaving work today.

I'm never getting in the car with that guy driving ever again.

Also, in the past three days I've found COLONIES of ticks on me. EW.

So in today's economy is somehow landed a plush little gig on Arnold Air Force Base doing botanically related paid internship stuff... woo!!! Pays really well, is fun. Outside. awesome. :)

Smiles.

It's been quite a long time since I've posted anything worth a damn.

So... news.

My car is currently in the parking lot outside the science building with my guitars, amp, printer, and other various electronics waiting patiently to be hauled into East Nashville where they will have a semi-permanent home. I'm moving in with Jeremy but I won't officially be moving in until two weeks-ish from now when school is finished and I won't be working at STAR (for the summer, at least.) In the mean-time I'm trying to get a head start and take as much as I can in little trips as possible.

Ideally I would love to move in my dishes and my knives because currently, cooking in a post-bachelor kitchen is a mortifying experience. He has a hodge podge of knives and they're all absolutely awful in design and/or dull. This moritification is especially true upon completion of a microbial class where I learned ALL ABOUT the disgusting details of the microbial world and the festering molds and bacteria that are forever battling our immune systems. This class has even helped me to QUIT BITING MY NAILS, which in the lack of cycling due to being way too busy, I have started to chew them again... NOT ANYMORE! says Swine Flu and E. coli and stapholococcus!!!

On the other hand, in this very same class I have also somehow managed to learn NOTHING and feel COMPLETELY LOST AND IN OVER MY HEAD. That's a bit how I've felt all semester. No matter, I have already put the issue behind me beccaausssee:

I landed a wonderful summer internship. 17/hr doing field botany and it's full time! Also, it's in a more-eastern portion of Tn which gets more beautiful the more Eastwardly you go, and lemme tell ya, the area is pretty gawgeous... despite being mostly ravaged by severe tornadoes a couple of weeks ago.

Oh yes, speaking of tornadoes, I got locked into a Target with Jeremy the weekend before Easter because they were afraid we were going to get hit by a tornado. I was annoyed because they kept us away from windows and nothing excites me more than witnessing a good Tennessee storm. Also, I phoned my dad who informed me that the tornado was a little West of us and that if we leaved then we could probably make it home no problem. Well, I let 5 minutes pass by and then decide that I'm angry at being cooped up with a bunch of screaming kiddie retards, and I grad petrified Jeremy by the hand and exit the storm.

I only admit this after the fact, but... it was a very stupid decision. Clearly I'm ok and everything is fine, but I'm 90% positive we drove through and/or next to a tornado. Clues: 1.) The color of the sky. 2.) our car being thrown around the interstate like no body's business. 3.) Not being able to see the rain due to a torrential wall of hail hitting every inch of our vehicle and then 4.) the sudden clear sky we drove into literally RIGHT OFF the road we turned into. All of the trees and bushes were slumped over in winded defeat and our trashcan was a couple houses down on its side.

I also only admit this after the fact... but it was totally awesome!!! Screw you Target and your attempts at public safety! I will enjoy the storm, even in the face of possible death!

Lets see... terrestrial news:

Garden: It has been planted. A huge amount of veggies have been sown... some in seed form and some in seedling form. The caterpillars this year are insane and disgusting amounts of them are squirming their soft-bodied ways through my onion seedlings. Jeremy and I were spreading peat moss over the garden yesterday when I noticed that the slightest touch caused my onions to topple over and fly off into the wind... caterpillars at their bases and have hindered their photosynthesis, so now I am collecting eggshells to stick around the bases so that they can't crawl up and eat my food! grr

Animals: My 21 year old cat, Screamer, passed away. She had developed a tumor on the back of her leg and it had gotten worse and her quality of life, even though she still could walk and eat... she would sleep ALL the time.. it had gone down hill and her mental stability was waning. So, we put her to sleep and my mom got her cremated. She's now in this beautiful porcelain container. It's black and very non-descript and it doesn't exactly have a "top." It's more this wonderful little encapsulated object.

Jackson knows she's gone. Even though they weren't the coziest of friends, he will walk up to where she would sleep upstairs and whine and sniff around it. :( Other than that he's doing wonderfully.

Jeremy says we'll get a cat when I finish this internship. It will be mine, so I'll have to take care of it, so I'm going to have to be around a little more to deal... especially considering that Jeremy is wholly uncapable of TRULY taking care of an animal. He loves them, but he's a country boy and they treat animals in the most animalistic way... not inhumane, but an animal being dirty doesn't bother them, so on and so forth. No thanks. I was brought up to baby my animals like they were my first borns.

Anyways... oh yes... and Jeremy bought me a ring. Not sure if I mentioned that in an earlier post or not, but yes, a gorgeous ring. Admittedly I went through a period for a few weeks where I was really upset about being engaged. I don't think I had reconciled my negativity towards the institution of marriage so I kind of flipped out a couple of times, but now, I am much calmer and 100% into mushy love-devotion mode.

Right... so... long post. Off to do something else. :D

So, I went to ASB this past week. I was there Wed through Fri. We stopped a little south or Birmingham... either in the coastal plain or still on the cumberland plateau (I don't remeber my geographic physiographic provinces) and searched some untouched glades in the area. The site was SO PRISTINE it hurt and the plants we found there were incredible!

Then on Thursday I gave my presentation on V. rupestris and didn't throw up on the front row audience and got a raging positive review from everyone for the rest of our stay there. People were going up to my peers and mentor and asking who I was. WHAT AN EGO PETTING! I also got invited to drink some Gentleman Jack with the pres of ASB. How nice!

Thursday night I got trashed... complete alcohol saturation, oh my! It's insane how nerdy a bunch of biologists are when we're trashed. I seriously overheard and participated in conversations about sedges that included "OMG, that's hot!"

Friday night was home bound. Stopping at one of the many locations along I65 for a Crackerbarrel breakfast and we all struggled to hold it down.

Then Saturday: bb-que competition w/ the boy. Then Sunday- serious landscaping at the house. I love gardening.

Off to microbial!

Phew... haven't posted in a while!!!

Busy. Busy. Busy. SUPER BUSY.

In fact, I shouldn't even be on here now, and I should be working on my damn research presentation because I'M THAT FREAKIN BUSY.

Also. I'm engaged. :D

I'M ENGAGED!!!! That's CRAZY. crazy crazy crazy.

And super awesome. It feels REALLY good.

So, research presentation coming up in April, Jeremy has lots of gigs now that it's starting to warm up, and he also is close to getting this teaching job he's been wanting so bad, and yes... things are looking super.

super duper.

ridiculously super.

:D

Brace yourself for lots of cheesy:

This past weekend was wonderful. I sit here wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday because I woke up this morning in Nashville trying to cling to the last shreds of what was simply a lovely and joyous consecutive couple of days with friends, family and Jeremy as well as strangers who are now friends as well.

Friday night was spent in a gorgeous house up on an incredibly steep hill with an elevation so high you could look out for miles upon miles of Tn landscape and forest. We were all around in the studio and they were doing their last rehearsal before the show. I was reading and they were playing and we were all joking around.

Saturday was spent curled up around the house on a rainy day, tasting the fantastic salsa at the Mexican restaurant down the way. That night we went to the Opry and Jeremy was so star struck, it cracked me up. I got to introduce him to people he thought he would never be able to meet and it was wonderful to see him completely retreat into this childlike state. I was afraid I would find it annoying, but I didn't at all. I loved seeing him so giddy. We stayed at my parents house that night.

Sunday we woke up and my mom cooked us all an awesome breakfast. Then it was time for preparations. I got dressed up and then went downstairs to help Jeremy out (he's kind of style deficient and Bryan had put me in charge of making sure he didn't "look like he was from Clarksville" which annoyed me a little but I knew what he meant.) Anyway, a nice black button up shirt, dark wash relaxed fit jeans and black leather square toe shoes and my dad's Rose Wood bolotie around his neck. He looked great!!!

The show was at Artisan Guitars in the Franklin Factory which holds some of the most beautiful and rich sounding acoustic instruments I have ever heard in my life. Martin can't hold a candle to some of theses brands (but then again, it can...) Anyway... they played Bryan's music flawlessly and everyone loved it and everyone was just radiating with happiness. Hopefully this will present everyone involved (the musicians I mean) with some wonderful opportunities. http://www.bryanclarkmusic.com

Today was just school... neither good nor bad today. I went geo-caching after wards with my friend David and then I went to the grocery store and gathered some veggies for the Indian Stew I'm making tomorrow for dinner.

It has been good.

So, my neighbor... very very attractive neighbor just let me borrow his socket wrench set (har har) so I could fix this bike we got over the weekend for Jeremy.... the bottom bracket is FUCKED up. I don't even KNOW what's wrong with it, it's so wrong.

So the cranks wobble back and forth and it messes with the front derailleur and blah blah.

Anyway, I got the bolts out of the cranks, but now it's a question of getting the cranks off the spindles and THAT is a job. JOB. J.fuckin O. B.

I don't have a crank puller which apparently you need to make the job a million times easier as well as less-damage.

Once I actually work through all that shit, I still have to somehow get the bottom bracket off, but I will leave that to the guys at the shop cause it's frozen and I don't even want to mess with it.

Anyway, I have an entire other set of components to put on it that I can give to Jeremy. They're certainly not the best, but they're newer and probably lighter and the old ones probably have some significant warping.

So... back to the socket wrench set that uber-attractive neighbor let me borrow.... Now that I have the bolts off, I'm looking at the wrench set and thinking.... "I WANT TO USE YOU STILL!!!" so now I'm looking for bolts to take off.

I can't wait to get this bike in gear... haha... in gear.. get it?

As much as I love the winter time in all its snowy and icy glory, I really hate cabin fever. It is/was driving me absolutely crazy, but this weekend I got a nice break from it all.

When I got home on Friday night I couldn't handle it anymore. I've been feeling pudgy and gross and lethargic and my mind has felt slow which is just awful, so I got on the stationary bike at my parents house... oh my LORD.... this stationary bike is from the stone age and the seat was built for the purpose of machine-rape in mind. My cunt still hurts from this damn thing, but I kept on it for an hour and did (so it said) 15 miles, although I'm pretty positive it takes me a lot less than 1 hour to do 15 miles, even if I haven't cycled since November.

Well, the weather this weekend on Sunday was conducive to actually riding IN REALITY. I happened to keep my new bike at my parents house all winter and I just so happened to have my helmet and shoes in the car so I borrowed some of my moms clothes and went out with Tad's dad for a 30 miler. MY LAWD I FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE CYCLING!!! It was a great ride. We went slow because he's currently injured and also cause I haven't ridden in so long I had no idea where my conditioning was at, but I did great and barely broke a sweat up until the end on 96 where I pulled straight into the wind and then turned into my neighborhood where this one hill just kicks your ass when you're down and out like that.

So today I didn't want to give it up and I played raquetball (or a sorry excuse of it) for an hour in the Foy Center and then got on the stationary here at the apartments (recumbent, but much more comfortable and more weighted than my parents) for 20 minutes where I did about 9ish miles. But in the middle of it this dude came in and I was like "well he's going to think I'm some wuss if I just get off the bike when I'm done and leave" so I did 10 reps of 50# lat pulls and then 20 reps of 30# lats. My arms are pathetically tiny... I mean really... I can't even open doors. It's pretty out of proportion with the strength of my legs, unfortunately.

Anyways, I'm about to go do some crunches and then call it a day for the freak out exercise program I've got going. I might start doing rock climbing at the Foy... also, racquetball sucks and I hated it, but it could have been who I was playing with, so who knows... it reminded me of a Wes Anderson film in a bad way.

I wish that I could share with everyone a direct neurological pathway so that I could communicate to everyone without the limits of language.

My heart hurts.

We allow ourselves to be deplorable things and disregard, forget, ignore our capacity for love.

I've had one of the longest days of my life, it feels like. I guess it's compensating for being out of school for two days due to the weather, which was awesome.

Yesterday in particular was wonderful. I was in heaven. Jeremy and I pretty much spent all day at his parents house and had snowball fights and drank some of this wonderful home made whiskey and kicked eachothers asses on the wii, then had dinner and then left for the Deli and bluegrass.

:) Good things.

Today though... ugh... English class, which I don't mind but damn the people are so boring! They never talk. I had a nice little chat with the professor at the end though, but not too long because I had to go to work where:

Hepatitis C and other diseases ABSOLUTELY FREAK ME THE FUCK OUT. The guy hadn't bathed in a month and he had a cast on and when they took it off... oh.my.god. The whole place smelt like disgust and I couldn't handle it. I almost threw up. We sanitized that thing up and down! I had to even clean the chair he was sitting on. ugh... ughasdfa;sl!!

FINALLY I AM HOME!!!!

I am going to go take a hot bath and listen to really awesome music really loudly.

I just want to go home.

Allow me this gift of slumber
So I may dream of civilizations' fall
My return to the soil
As my blood pools to rush down

Giving back more to Her
than that of which I need to take

Allow me this gift of slumber
So I may dream of our return to you
Our bodies running in fright from the
Love we can not remember

Taking from us what was always Hers
Until she has the energy to

Raise us again.

My brother, for the holidays, gave me a book entitled "Endgame."

The entire book is just the first half of a two volume set. The first half contains 452 pages, excluding the notes and index. I'm on page 17.

17 pages into this book and I already feel moved enough to drag my severely pained body (SI Joint Issues) out of bed, down the stairs and through the dark living room to fish for my computer so I could drag my crippled legs back up the stairs, thrust my un-crippled portion of my body back onto the rich white sheets and claw my way up into a position comfortable enough to type about my experience with the first 17 pages of this awesomely incredible book.

The secondary title of this book is "The Problem of Civilization" and indeed, this is no metaphor or witty title or over-thought cutesy bullshit catchphrase to interest the apocalypse-fetishized(?) indie shits as they browse their "local" book stores for more works by that dude that wrote Running With Scissors (the single most entertaining and worst piece of literature I have ever read.)

Anyway... The Problem of Civilization. Yes. Indeed. He dives right into it.

"To pretend that civilization can exist without destroying its own landbase and the landbases and cultures of others is to be entirely ignorant of history, biology, thermodynamics, morality, and self-preservation."
— Derrick Jensen (Endgame: Volume 1: The Problem of Civilization)

As I started reading this book I think I felt these things:

1.) All stages of mourning while at once being gleefully distracted from the things I was mourning.

2.) Eerie ghosts crawling around in the shadows of my understimulated grey matter whispering sweet nothings to me about our recent economic collapse.

3.) Happiness.

4.) Jealousy. (Often times, I find that when I have not been very active in the intellectual world and find myself reading excellent material, I kick myself and go "I WAS THINKING THIS TOO! WHY DID I NOT WRITE IT DOWN?!")

5.) Love.

So, I recommend that you all go out, purchase this book and sit your asses down and read it before you do so much as make yourself a god damned pot of tea.

In academic news:

In the way of botany I have submitted an abstract to the Southeaster Biologists Association. In April me, my mentor and a couple of the graduate students will be taking a trip to somewhere here in the South to give presentations on whatever topics we submitted abstracts for. My abstract was on a grape (a grape that some of my friends don't appreciate nearly as much as I do... I can't blame them for their lack of love towards Dionysus's single most important and exclusive source of botanical energy.) It's a grape that hasn't been found in over 100 years and was thought to be extinct and Estes and I rediscovered it two miles from where my shitty apartment marinates in its bed of concrete and asphalt and cigarette ash.

If I spin my web of scientific semantic in just the perfectly enchanting manner I may find myself accepting a sum of 1000$, or more appropriately, the number on my screen when I log into my bank account will have been impregnated with three more numerals. (I currently have a dollar to my name. Donations accepted.)

In other academic news, so far all of my classes are going to be super easy and super awesome with exception of my microbial biology class which I have yet to meet the professor because he canceled class until Wednesday. I imagine it will be a bit challenging but I am ready, especially since my other classes demand so little of my energy.

In relationship news:

The razzle dazzle of the new boy is over with. The expiration date has come and gone and the jug of once refreshing razzle dazzle is sitting in my fridge in a smelly colloidal state bursting with the stench of reality.

1.)He loves two things in life: music and me. He loves them with all the intensity his large body can muster up and he gives equally copious amounts of time to each of these things.

2.)He has the potential to exercise incredible mastery in various (intellectual) fields but due to a.) severe dyslexia b.) a poor Montgomery County Education System and c.) an environment not very conducive to rich cultural experiences, he has yet to come to fruition in this area. I will be the first to admit that I am not too patient in this matter either and that the intense love I described above, mixed with some intimidation, prevents him from caring about the matter any further.

3.)The consequences of one and two combined leave me and the music having to bear all of the responsibility weighed upon us by his mass amount of caring and love he gives. It is overwhelming for me (I can't speak for the guitars and mandolins) and somewhat off-putting.

4.)He lies about really small things because he is embarrassed by them and it really really pisses me off when I catch it.

Other than that, I still really like him! I hope those four things are things we can work through because it would be a huge shame and I would be heartbroken if it was the death of us.

"The state of Tennessee recently introduced a bill that will ban bicycles on River Road, a state road outside Nashville. The road is frequently used by bicyclists and would be a tremendous loss for bicyclists across the entire state.

Join the group to follow emerging information on the progress of the bill, and ways to defeat the bill."

http://groups.google.com/group/TNBikeAdvocates

HOUSE BILL 95
By Moore
AN ACT to amend Tennessee Code Annotated, Title 55,
Chapter 8, relative to operation of bicycles on
roadways.
BE IT ENACTED BY THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY OF THE STATE OF TENNESSEE:
SECTION 1. Tennessee Code Annotated, Section 55-8-172, is amended by deleting the
present language in its entirety and by substituting instead the following language:
(a) Subject to the provisions of subsection (b), every person riding a bicycle
upon a roadway is granted all of the rights and is subject to all of the duties applicable to
the driver of a vehicle by this chapter and chapter 10, parts 1-5 of this title, except as to
special regulations in §§ 55-8-171 — 55-8-177, and except as to those provisions of this
chapter and chapter 10, parts 1-5 of this title that by their nature can have no application.
(b) No person shall operate a bicycle on any segment of River Road in Davidson
County between United States Highway 70 / State Route 24 (Charlotte Pike) and the
Cheatham County line.
(c) A violation of this section is a Class C misdemeanor.
SECTION 2. The department of transportation is directed to erect suitable signs or affix
suitable markers on the segment of River Road in Davidson County between United States
Highway 70 / State Route 24 (Charlotte Pike) and the Cheatham County line to provide notice of
this act to the motoring public.
SECTION 3. This act shall take effect July 1, 2009, the public welfare requiring it.

Aloha
Current mood: cold

I've been re-reading Tom Robbins lately. Nothing like an incredible feel good love journey to keep you warm in the middle of 4 degree weather... also, some inebriated warmth helps as well, but books are always just that much better with a glass of whiskey.

Downtime is very few and far between it seems. Between work and undergraduate/masters and various other things I don't find myself alone too much and that can be cause for some agitation.

Just put on some catpower and make up a hot toddy with a bath and a book and I am good to go but DAMN it seems like it's been forever... then I what? Find myself BLOGGING? For fucks sake.

I think the act of writing, for me anyway, is almost as cathartic as that whiskey/book/bath thing.

I have this HUGE window in my apartment... I only have one window so it's like this one damn window is compensating for its sheer lack in numbers... but during the cold like this... my GOD, I can have the heat or whatever and the wind will still blow in. It doesn't help that I'm on the top floor either so I don't get any blockage from any other surrounding structure.

I'm glad to be back in school... went to my first class today. Eng 2030. The instructor is awesome but the people in the class are a bit lacking in... everything. Despite being back at it, I feel like my goal is just so unreachable and it makes me want to throw my hands up and leave. 3-4 thousand species of plants in Tennessee and I know about 15 by sight.

I know what awaits for me though: misery. Pure unadulterated misery. Full time crap job, bills I can't afford to pay and various other miserable aspects to non-college life.

Order me up a tall order of keep-on-keepin-on, please!

On the other hand, Association for Southeastern Biologists is having their lil' pow-wow coming up and the abstracts are due tomorrow. I'm not really sure what I'll be doing, but something about a presentation. I'm hoping I get to take lots of pretty lil pictures of Vitus Rupestris and stick it in a fluffed up power point and attempt to impress a room full of Biologists.

We'll see.

Ok, it's so bath time. I still have a gajillion bath products to try from Christmas. OH HOW I LOVE BATH PRODUCTS!!!

And if I sound dismall or something in this, I really don't mean to be.

I'm in a good mood. I'm glad I'm back in school. I'm glad I've got a little time to myself. And... I'm glad I've got a certain someone hanging around in my life.

Surrealism is a nice word to sum up the current state of my environment. It's a strange mix of manic emotions and events as well as some intensely calm moments. Overall I'm in a pretty blissful mood, but not in the floatin-on-clouds sort of way. More like "Ok, chug a chug a chug says the cho-cho, lets keep on keepin on and yadda yadda. woo!"

Barring one tragedy, the holidays were nice. Nothing over the top or out of hand but still very fun. New Years Eve I was in a somber mood, so I stayed at Jeremy's house in a somewhat depressed state until Amy called. Talking to her really cheered me up. It wasn't neccessarily that she was happy or that I was happy... we were both actually in not-so-good moods, but I guess what cheered me up the most was the pretty profound little reminder that I've got this awesome connection with this person who is my best friend and that really struck a chord, I guess.

I was looking through this cookbook I have, fishing for some recipes when I flipped to the front page and saw an inscription that she had made from last year as my Christmas gift. I hadn't even realized at that point that I've known Amy for over a year now and I guess I haven't really formulated much tangible material about the matter, but my point is that it just made me really happy. That's it. Her friendship makes me happy and I think that's. fucking. cool.

Ok, mushy time over. Insert gag reflex here.


We didn't drink a drop this NYE and we grilled out hamburgers and hashbrowns and sang goofy songs and watched goofy movies and made wonderfully romantic love that made us too exhausted to stay up until midnight.

I've been getting serious about playing guitar lately. This has come on the heels of the realization that I can't just sing decent in the shower... I can sing pretty well and the louder I sing and the more I do it the better I'm getting and I'm really really into it!! Playing guitar is so much funner than bass... I still love my bass though, but now I love my acoustic guitar (especially since Jeremy fixed it and it sounds pretty damn wonderful.)

I want to learn every Gillian Welch song ever.

In other hobbies: the weather has prevented me from biking even ONCE this winter. Issues arise because I either am not near or do not have my bike when the weather is nice. The timing is bad. The weather is really cold and I don't have the equipment to ride, or the weather is just plain awful.

I have been FEIGNING for my bike. All I want to do is exercise. I'VE PUT ON WEIGHT. I weigh 130 now which is the most I have ever weighed in my life and my body just feels kind of icky. To counteract a little bit of the winter-time atrophy I have been hiking a lot. Just walking in general and various escapades to the Natchez Trace and Radnor Lake. Once to both places when Levi was here and some with Jeremy and his dog.

Today I was seriously entertaining the thought of RUNNING on a track INDOORS, but it just seemed sacrilegious and sitting in my room playing guitar and hiding from the freezing rain and cold seemed like a much more appropriate idea. Moving my fingers burns calories, right?

Also, this beer tastes funny.

Going to meet my friend Matt tonight for some nice Mexican food, margaritas with a 60% chance of 7 card stud.

AMY IS COMING UP TOMORROW HALLELUJAH THE SAD DAYS IN C-VILLE ARE MOMENTARILY OVER!!!

This Christmas so far has been pretty interesting.

1st off, for reasons unbeknownst to me I have been so happy and uppity this season. This is especially strange because usually in winter I get all blah and especially around Xmas. Not this year.

2nd, Levi visited last week and that was fun and I could go more into it, but I'm a bit tired (reasons following shortly)

Christmas partying has already begun. Jeremy and I did a pre Christmas Eve impropmtu bash last night with a couple of his friends and after two pints of Jim Bean apparently we were too drunk to keep our cool. Jack Daniel's.... and I'm ok. Jim Bean and I get a little angry apparently, but not violent, just easily annoyed. So somehow we ended up getting annoyed at eachother and he almost cried (haha.. seriously, a 240# 6ft 3in man wiping away tears from his face cause he doesn't want you upset at him is adorable)

Woke up this morning still drunk at 6am to get ready for work. Went to work, was fine for the most part but as the day went on I started to get sick. This is following a late lunch (yesterday) at Red Lobsert.. a restaraunt I haven't been to in YEARSSSS and I wasn't impressed with the food. It was luke warm and it kinda made me a little sick just to eat it. So, I have a feeling my being sick today wasn't HELPED by the drinking, but wasn't the main influence, so around 10, people started telling me I looked a bit pale and around 10:30 I just said fuck it, and went home. We were closing early anyway.

So here I am!!! Jeremy is out with his brother doing some very very last minute xmas shopping and later we're going to go over to his grandmothers house and then I'll be on my way back to my parents house for bed and an awesome Christmas.

Happy Holidays!!!

xo
S

Yay! Semester is OVER. OVER OVER OVER. WORST SEMESTER EVER IS OVER.

Why did I struggle so much and do so poorly? I don't know.

Amy is leaving, too. Which sucks. I know it sucks, but also, for whatever reason sucky things that I know are coming never really hit me until they actually happen so I know it will be about a day or two before the sucky really sets in on that one.


We tried to go out for celebratory beer tonight but the celebration wasn't in us and we sat around like scared kittens in some frat bar drinking luke warm beer out of plastic cups that made me feel like I should be hanging the warm yellow water to the nurse instead. Awful.

Also. I am hungry.

So, it is currently 11:30 and I have my first exam in 9 hours. Biology. I am super nervous about tomorrow. I don't know why... well I do, I just don't feel like going into it (and not just about biology.)

ALL OF MY DAMN EXAMS ARE TOMORROW.. CRAMMED INTO ONE DAY.

So, what am I doing instead of refreshing my memory on various academic concepts?

Why, reteaching myself how to play guitar, of course!! Hanging around Jeremy so much has made me catch the bug all over again. It's amazing how you can go from not playing an instrument for YEARS, to picking it up again, stumbling and then suddenly understanding it even better than you did before.

I just learned a new chord and didn't hesitate to register it pretty well and then when I was trying to play this Gillian Welch song I ghetto rigged a kapo so I could fucking play it and well... I was just like "wow... I didn't completely forget how to play a guitar."

Jeremy makes playing bass look so fucking boring... which is probably why I wanted to play it in the first place... MUCH easier to learn than guitar and I never got lessons on guitar and sure, I can pick out the notes by ear, but the chords just frustrated me to no end... hello bass.

But now, I'm really enjoying this damn guitar. I still know how to play house of the rising sun and the into to stairway to heaven. hahahaha

Speaking of guitars, Jeremy is fixing up my acoustic for me. A long time ago the bridge popped off and I never felt like dealing with it, so he's dealing with it and also fixing the action for me.. I couldn't stand playing my acoustic cause the strings were WAY too high off the neck and it hurt my fingers too much to keep em down properly.

So, delirium is starting to set in. This weekend was a damn blast. Drunk danced to Stevie Wonder vinyls with Jeremy and Wyatt and then passed out in the most comfortable bed I've been in (sans my own.) Incredible music, incredible company, incredible whiskey (never underestimate Gentleman Jack), incredible dancing and an incredibly good time.... also, incredible ribs and chicken wings... and incredible sex... and various other incredibles.

Ok, ok, enough.I must go finish a few things before tomorrow.

-S